Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
