I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
