You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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