if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the day after is always just damage control
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
