i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
