I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
