this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
