saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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