I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize