Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
