Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
