They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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