apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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