Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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