his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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