dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
