I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
