Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
