That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
