does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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