We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
high people should be assigned attendants
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
