At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
