Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
