she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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