thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
