yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your penis caused this!
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