im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
