He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
