In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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