i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
