listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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