I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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