i love accidental penises.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
