They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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