Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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