if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
