CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
