Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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