Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
