If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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