if only i could text you this smell
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
