What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
