so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
