Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
