I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
