so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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