You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
