I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
