So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
