Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
