That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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