Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
