Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
