TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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