I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize