Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
