Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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