direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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