Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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