What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
NoShamevember. You game?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
