I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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