It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
