I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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