I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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