Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't turn off my feet"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize