TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
