I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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