i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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