Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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