Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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