dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
