Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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