do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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